A letter to both boys and men

          I often hear the glory of a boy is found in his metamorphosis into a man. I tend to believe this is true. I remember the days when all we wanted was to look the hardest, spit the best game; basically, womanise the most. The awards for the best boys were in categories such as the best drinker, the best manipulator, the most sex had, the best fighter and a lot more. If you were seen to have dominion in those fields, you were called 'the man.'

     Growing up knowing that those are the characters that 'the man' is made of, many boys strive to achieve this version of manhood. Would it be safe to say then that manhood is what you make it? I doubt it. If the opening statement of this piece is anything to go by, it seems that there is a glory gained when one finally becomes a man. From my short time on this planet, I have learnt that nothing reaches glorification without going through personal sacrifice in order to rid themselves of something, so as to gain something greater in return.

     I was called a man way before I was one. Many boys have been adorned with the same words that I was: verbal jewels to people who have no knowledge of the worth they are adorned with. The day I realized it was all a lie is when I was faced with the truth that I did not know who I really was. Circumstances such as failed relationships taught me that I had no capacity to either lead or to sacrifice for a greater cause.

     My family relationships were strained as I always believed that I was a man and needed nobody to teach me anything. I fought with my father, brothers and the men God put in my life to raise me. I thought them, and not I, were the problem and so I would do things my own way, anything to justify that I was a man. Well, news flash, a man does not need to justify his manhood, it is seen by all and sundry. I needed to change.

     The first step was to take responsibility and apologize to my mother and father and tell them I need them to keep raising me. It was difficult and painful but the blessing of healing has to come as a result of the curse of pain. My heart bleeds when I watch people gain identity from the same vices I did, from poison. Where are the real men hiding? What are we doing to show the true picture of what it means to be a man?  How many have passed through the sieves of life that have released the boys in us and left the men within to proceed forth? It is no wonder that many women are taking up 'manly' roles because the metamorphosis from boyhood to manhood has been cut off by pride and a fear of getting hurt. All this time we spend running from manhood, the world continues to revolve. It will not wait for men to appear.

     Manhood is deeper than money, chest hairs, a deep voice and any other myopic descriptions that have caged its expression. A man is meant to be a visionary who sees far beyond anybody else, a discerner who carries the authority of God on earth. Now before this is termed egotistic, look at the case of Adam in the Bible. He was to have dominion over all things, not by his own understanding but by the virtue of having the mind of God; being made in the image and likeness of God. After he had slept and his rib was taken to make Eve, he awoke, looked at her and discerned that she came from him. Can we say the same of ourselves as men in today's world? What are we able to discern? Who are we able to lead?

     The world we live in today has taught us that men are known more for running away from responsibility than taking responsibility. Our music depicts this, movies depict this and the worst part is that our own lives depict this. Let me let you in on a well known secret. Women are climbing the ladder of life as men are comfortable asking what a ladder is. Our sons are not being fathered, our brothers do not see role models in us and we have ourselves to blame for the appalling state of manhood in the world today. We who have morphed into men have failed! We have boys in their 30s who still think life is about winning the boy awards. They believe a man has to have many women in his life and lead none. They believe that their penis is their greatest gift and the ultimate definition of manhood forgetting that even baby boys are born with those 'tools.' If they understood this truth they would understand that manhood is not defined by erections, lust, and monetary value but there is a roaring spirit trapped in a male that is being suffocated and should be released.

     We are worth more than we think we are. Boys, if nobody ever told you, let me tell you now. You were created for so much more. We are to be great fathers and husbands, leaders, protectors and vision bearers of our homes and communities. If your own father figures failed you I am sorry but please do not give up on being a better man. We need you. We need your strength, leadership and vision. We need the homes of the future to be led by you. We cannot keep throwing destiny in the trash bin. We cannot keep hurting the women in our lives, impregnating and leaving them. It is not right to hurt others, we have been lied to.

      We need to rise. It does not matter where you have been; the sewer is not your home. You may or may not have been taught what it means to be a man but we will do better to show you. We are sorry for guiding you in the wrong paths. For our lifestyles portraying women as tools to use, for telling you that you are only as good as how much you earn. You are worth much more. Let us rise from this pain that we have gone through as boys who have never known manhood and have had to learn on the job. We have been judged for not being men yet many have never interacted with what that means. It is time to learn and live in accordance to what we were created for. Men, it starts with us. We have to pull our brothers, sons and nephews from the pit of self destruction. The work starts now!