I often hear the glory of a boy is found in his metamorphosis into a man. I tend to believe this is true. I remember the days when all we wanted was to look the hardest, spit the best game; basically, womanise the most. The awards for the best boys were in categories such as the best drinker, the best manipulator, the most sex had, the best fighter and a lot more. If you were seen to have dominion in those fields, you were called 'the man.'
Growing up knowing that those are the characters that 'the man' is made
of, many boys strive to achieve this version of manhood. Would it be safe to
say then that manhood is what you make it? I doubt it. If
the opening statement of this piece is anything to go by, it seems
that there is a glory gained when one finally becomes a man. From my short time
on this planet, I have learnt that
nothing reaches glorification without going through personal
sacrifice in order to rid themselves of something, so as to gain something
greater in return.
I was called a man way before I was one. Many boys have been
adorned with the same words that I was: verbal jewels to people who
have no knowledge of the worth they are adorned with. The day I realized it was
all a lie is when I was faced with the truth that I did not know who I really
was. Circumstances such as failed relationships taught me that I had no
capacity to either lead or to sacrifice for a greater cause.
My family relationships
were strained as I always believed that I was a man and needed nobody to teach
me anything. I fought with my father, brothers and the men God put in my life
to raise me. I thought them, and not I, were the problem and so I would do
things my own way, anything to justify that I was a man. Well, news flash, a
man does not need to justify his manhood, it is seen by all and sundry. I
needed to change.
The first step was to
take responsibility and apologize to my mother and father and tell them I need
them to keep raising me. It was difficult and painful but the blessing of
healing has to come as a result of the curse of pain. My heart bleeds
when I watch people gain identity from the same vices I did, from
poison. Where are the real men hiding? What are we doing to show the true
picture of what it means to be a man? How many have passed through the sieves of
life that have released the boys in us and left the men within to proceed
forth? It is no wonder that many women are taking up 'manly' roles because the metamorphosis from boyhood
to manhood has been cut off by pride and a fear of getting hurt. All this time
we spend running from manhood, the world continues to revolve. It will not wait
for men to appear.
Manhood is deeper than money, chest hairs, a deep voice and any other
myopic descriptions that have caged its expression. A man is meant to be a
visionary who sees far beyond anybody else, a discerner who carries the
authority of God on earth. Now before this is termed egotistic, look at the
case of Adam in the Bible. He was to have dominion over all things, not by his
own understanding but by the virtue of having the mind of God; being made in
the image and likeness of God. After he had slept and his rib was
taken to make Eve, he awoke, looked at her and discerned that she came from
him. Can we say the same of ourselves as men in today's world? What are
we able to discern? Who are we able to lead?
The world we live in today has taught us that men are known more for
running away from responsibility than taking responsibility. Our music depicts
this, movies depict this and the worst part is that our own
lives depict this. Let me let you in on a well known secret. Women
are climbing the ladder of life as men are comfortable asking what a ladder is.
Our sons are not being fathered, our brothers do not see role models in us and
we have ourselves to blame for the appalling state of manhood in the world
today. We who have morphed into men have failed! We have boys in their 30s who
still think life is about winning the boy awards. They believe a man has to
have many women in his life and lead none. They believe that their penis is
their greatest gift and the ultimate definition of manhood forgetting that even
baby boys are born with those 'tools.' If they understood this truth they would
understand that manhood is not defined by erections, lust, and monetary value
but there is a roaring spirit trapped in a male that is being suffocated and
should be released.
We are worth more than we think we are. Boys, if nobody ever told you,
let me tell you now. You were created for so much more. We are to be great
fathers and husbands, leaders, protectors and vision bearers of our homes and
communities. If your own father figures failed you I am sorry but please do not
give up on being a better man. We need you. We need your strength, leadership
and vision. We need the homes of the future to be led by you. We cannot keep
throwing destiny in the trash bin. We cannot keep hurting the women in our
lives, impregnating and leaving them. It is not right to hurt others, we have
been lied to.
We need to rise. It does not matter where you
have been; the sewer is not your home. You may or may not have been taught what
it means to be a man but we will do better to show you. We are sorry for
guiding you in the wrong paths. For our lifestyles portraying women as tools to
use, for telling you that you are only as good as how much you earn. You are
worth much more. Let us rise from this pain that we have gone through as boys
who have never known manhood and have had to learn on the job. We have been
judged for not being men yet many have never interacted with what that means.
It is time to learn and live in accordance to what we were created for. Men, it
starts with us. We have to pull our brothers, sons and nephews from the pit of
self destruction. The work starts now!
