To ask one to love is to ask them to sacrifice and to
sacrifice is not a task given to shame or belittle someone but it is a roaring
call to nobility where the ultimate prize is Jesus himself in all His glory and
splendor.
Many times we see ourselves as men on a task oriented
basis. Provider, Protector, Priest, Prophet, Intercessor and many more titles
that come attached to Christian men like price tags on supermarket items. These
roles and responsibilities are not wrong really but most times they are seen as
obligations other than beautifully knit pieces of who God made man to be.
Ultimately we were all created for worship and these things are part and parcel
of what it means to worship God even as we relate with each other.
Love is one of the most, if not the most interesting
phenomenon that has ever existed. This is the core of the Christian faith: how
an infallible all powerful God would come down and dwell among men in the form
of His son so as to deliberately die for them (DIE) so that they may not be
eternally separated from Him. Christianity made us wannabe lovers of old just
call it quits. How do you top that? You don’t! Well Jesus never died for us to
create competition for who can do the most loving thing and have guys try to
knock Him off the perch. He did so to show us a divine example, the heart of
the Father, to introduce us to the everlasting principle of love.
Now, husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church.
Hmm, we quote this endlessly, don’t we? There are so many layers to this
statement; all Holy, all fulfilling, all divine, yet rarely seen for what it
really is, on some days even by me.
What does it mean to love your wife as a husband? Well, I’m
not yet there but in a few months we can have this discussion, haha. Sincerely
though, this is not a plastic sense of love that is put in place when you are
finally pronounced husband and wife. It is a cultured and nurtured process that
grows during dating and courtship so as to function in consecration when in
marriage.
The Bible has numerous mirrors for us who are not yet
married so as to prepare us on that divinely set aside part of life. It shows
us how the love of God looks like and even feels like not just as couples but
as people who were created in His image and after His likeness. Verses such as Ephesians
3:17-19 paint a brilliant picture of this and we should use it as a
template of how to practice the gift of love.
Over time I have learned that love finds expression in God
and not outside of it and its beauty should not be used for idolatry. The first
instance of the term love is a strange one. God tells Abraham in Genesis 22:2
to sacrifice his son, the son that Abraham loves. Well, people would argue that
if you love, you protect from harm but there is such a deep revelation here
that shows us the nature of God as love, a love that does not harm. It is said
that Abraham knew that God would have the ability to bring Isaac back (Hebrews
11:17-19) and really, Abraham believed in God so deeply. Sometimes as men we
want to be seen as goody two shoes even in the presence of God. Having love
express itself in idolatry beats the whole purpose of love. This is not to say
do not protect the person you love, that in itself is not Christ like but to
lay our love at the feet of God is to trust that His heart will judge what is
best for ours. He matters most and He loves your Isaac more than you do. After
all, our hearts are such that God has to always stop the knife from entering
our Isaac’s almost every day albeit in different circumstances.
Also, love covers a multitude of sins. Forgiveness is a
huge part of manhood not just in marriage but even in relating to ladies as
sisters, girlfriends or as a fiancée. Men think and express themselves
differently from women. I’ve noticed that as men we can be so hard faced even
when a lady tries to help us loosen up. We like to have things go our way, and
don’t want to feel intimidated by their proposals of change because that may
make it feel like we don’t have things under control. If you’re not like this
and I’m just describing myself that is also fine. It is imperative that
we don’t try to make our ladies men. They were made as they are for a purpose
and to show a unique revelation about God that as men we can never portray. In
times of arguments, let’s not rub our masculinity in their faces and say
primitive statements like ‘I’m the man. Submit to me if you know what’s good
for you!’ She knows you’re the man, but you may disprove that if you show her
all you are is a male. There is a reason why love is said to cover. It does not
highlight or put it in the public gallery the sins of others for personal gain.
Even if the gallery is just two hearts, never show your lady that you will be
quick to expose her flaws. Christ covers the church. Funny enough I have never
seen a scripture in the Bible where Christ is barraging the church and calling
it names and saying He is done with it. Interesting huh?
Last but definitely not least; all the titles I had
mentioned above are useless without a heart of love. To be a provider,
protector, priest, prophet, all the other P’s that are mentioned etc but not
have a heart of love is worth nothing. That will just relinquish us to be
bodyguards who protect, ATM’s that pour money or jackets that provide warmth,
even over protective stalkers who ‘just want their best interests’. To love is
to be invested, deeply, truthfully, and with God sight. If the Bible can say
that even if you can tell mountains to jump into the sea and they do it but you
have not love you have nothing, then that is such a big statement. If that
didn’t strike a nerve, then how about this: even if I give my body to be burnt
and have not love, I have nothing. Roles and titles are but a structured
expression of love, they were not meant to avoid love. It is not enough to do
all these things yet you know you have not genuine love. It was not a
coincidence that in John 3:16 it starts with for God so loved the world….. It
does not start with ‘God gave His son that whosoever believeth in Him shall not
perish but have everlasting life’ Christ is able to play His beautiful role in
the life of the Church not because that is His job description but because He
loves. I would that before trying to pick up roles and responsibilities, we
pick up genuine love and if we don’t know how, we have the perfect example in
Jesus, the man that no other man can compete with in the area of love.
Remember, to love is to sacrifice and to sacrifice is not a
task given to shame or belittle someone but it is a roaring call to nobility
and divinity where the ultimate prize is having Jesus himself in all His glory
and splendor as the eternal lover of our souls.
So my fellow men, you know the drill, it starts with us.
