Roles are dung without love

To ask one to love is to ask them to sacrifice and to sacrifice is not a task given to shame or belittle someone but it is a roaring call to nobility where the ultimate prize is Jesus himself in all His glory and splendor.

Many times we see ourselves as men on a task oriented basis. Provider, Protector, Priest, Prophet, Intercessor and many more titles that come attached to Christian men like price tags on supermarket items. These roles and responsibilities are not wrong really but most times they are seen as obligations other than beautifully knit pieces of who God made man to be. Ultimately we were all created for worship and these things are part and parcel of what it means to worship God even as we relate with each other.

Love is one of the most, if not the most interesting phenomenon that has ever existed. This is the core of the Christian faith: how an infallible all powerful God would come down and dwell among men in the form of His son so as to deliberately die for them (DIE) so that they may not be eternally separated from Him. Christianity made us wannabe lovers of old just call it quits. How do you top that? You don’t! Well Jesus never died for us to create competition for who can do the most loving thing and have guys try to knock Him off the perch. He did so to show us a divine example, the heart of the Father, to introduce us to the everlasting principle of love.

Now, husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church. Hmm, we quote this endlessly, don’t we? There are so many layers to this statement; all Holy, all fulfilling, all divine, yet rarely seen for what it really is, on some days even by me.

What does it mean to love your wife as a husband? Well, I’m not yet there but in a few months we can have this discussion, haha. Sincerely though, this is not a plastic sense of love that is put in place when you are finally pronounced husband and wife. It is a cultured and nurtured process that grows during dating and courtship so as to function in consecration when in marriage.

The Bible has numerous mirrors for us who are not yet married so as to prepare us on that divinely set aside part of life. It shows us how the love of God looks like and even feels like not just as couples but as people who were created in His image and after His likeness. Verses such as Ephesians 3:17-19 paint a brilliant picture of this and we should use it as a template of how to practice the gift of love.

Over time I have learned that love finds expression in God and not outside of it and its beauty should not be used for idolatry. The first instance of the term love is a strange one. God tells Abraham in Genesis 22:2 to sacrifice his son, the son that Abraham loves. Well, people would argue that if you love, you protect from harm but there is such a deep revelation here that shows us the nature of God as love, a love that does not harm. It is said that Abraham knew that God would have the ability to bring Isaac back (Hebrews 11:17-19) and really, Abraham believed in God so deeply. Sometimes as men we want to be seen as goody two shoes even in the presence of God. Having love express itself in idolatry beats the whole purpose of love. This is not to say do not protect the person you love, that in itself is not Christ like but to lay our love at the feet of God is to trust that His heart will judge what is best for ours. He matters most and He loves your Isaac more than you do. After all, our hearts are such that God has to always stop the knife from entering our Isaac’s almost every day albeit in different circumstances.

Also, love covers a multitude of sins. Forgiveness is a huge part of manhood not just in marriage but even in relating to ladies as sisters, girlfriends or as a fiancée. Men think and express themselves differently from women. I’ve noticed that as men we can be so hard faced even when a lady tries to help us loosen up. We like to have things go our way, and don’t want to feel intimidated by their proposals of change because that may make it feel like we don’t have things under control. If you’re not like this and I’m just describing myself that is also fine.  It is imperative that we don’t try to make our ladies men. They were made as they are for a purpose and to show a unique revelation about God that as men we can never portray. In times of arguments, let’s not rub our masculinity in their faces and say primitive statements like ‘I’m the man. Submit to me if you know what’s good for you!’ She knows you’re the man, but you may disprove that if you show her all you are is a male. There is a reason why love is said to cover. It does not highlight or put it in the public gallery the sins of others for personal gain. Even if the gallery is just two hearts, never show your lady that you will be quick to expose her flaws. Christ covers the church. Funny enough I have never seen a scripture in the Bible where Christ is barraging the church and calling it names and saying He is done with it. Interesting huh?

Last but definitely not least; all the titles I had mentioned above are useless without a heart of love. To be a provider, protector, priest, prophet, all the other P’s that are mentioned etc but not have a heart of love is worth nothing. That will just relinquish us to be bodyguards who protect, ATM’s that pour money or jackets that provide warmth, even over protective stalkers who ‘just want their best interests’. To love is to be invested, deeply, truthfully, and with God sight. If the Bible can say that even if you can tell mountains to jump into the sea and they do it but you have not love you have nothing, then that is such a big statement. If that didn’t strike a nerve, then how about this: even if I give my body to be burnt and have not love, I have nothing. Roles and titles are but a structured expression of love, they were not meant to avoid love. It is not enough to do all these things yet you know you have not genuine love. It was not a coincidence that in John 3:16 it starts with for God so loved the world….. It does not start with ‘God gave His son that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life’ Christ is able to play His beautiful role in the life of the Church not because that is His job description but because He loves. I would that before trying to pick up roles and responsibilities, we pick up genuine love and if we don’t know how, we have the perfect example in Jesus, the man that no other man can compete with in the area of love.

Remember, to love is to sacrifice and to sacrifice is not a task given to shame or belittle someone but it is a roaring call to nobility and divinity where the ultimate prize is having Jesus himself in all His glory and splendor as the eternal lover of our souls.

So my fellow men, you know the drill, it starts with us.